I thought this dream was a knock on the moon. Good thing the moon knelt down to the earth until it is within my reach...

What's your greatest dream?
"To have a family portrait"

From the left: Ate Vhea, Me, Mama, Ate RJ (my hipag), Kuya Henry, Akiyo (kuya's eldest), Papa and Yumi (kuya's bunso)...

Of course no one can please everybody. While some of our relatives are having the usual after-wedding-what's-missing conversation, I was in cloud 9. The wedding, with all the stress that goes with its preparation, is finally over. Plus I get to see my long lost so miss relatives. I wish I was able to invite all my friends to share this great joy with me. It’s not the extravagance of the place or the simplicity of the wedding ceremony. It was the whole of it all. Our old close family friends, our dearest relatives, my whole immediate family all in one place is like a so great dream come true to me. That’s what I meant when I sum it up with the words, “it turned out great!” I don’t mind the imperfection or the lapses. I don’t remember the flaws or the exhaustion. All I remember was seeing the whole family together, momentarily forgetting our disagreements. I couldn’t ask for more.

Told to write a reaction on a book about submission, like a rage my mind burst with a loud thought, “What for?” I’m tempted to use the word “designed” to excuse my hunger for reasons. But can I claim I was designed like this - to ask question and to demand for the reasonable? Next is my subconscious thoughts’ turn, “If you’re not convinced then you don’t have to.” I couldn’t agree more but I don’t have a choice. Now I sit with my laptop thinking about having two million other things to do, “Two hours, two episodes of Heroes, two blog entries, two… and then this paper. Oh I got nothing to do Two-morrow. This can wait.” Twelve hours later I am back. Still with disorganized ideas (if there is even any) and with no plan at all. But today is the day I gave myself as a deadline. I had to push myself harder this time.

Since it’s about submission I guessed I would define authority first. First word that comes to mind is abusive. I would recall how many times I had been a victim of one, forced to do something that would harm me or worse – others. Then there’s the word destructive. Concrete example – my parents who both crushed themselves and then the whole family apart. I’ve seen a lot of people who had problems with their leaders even at church. Then the list of all the negative words flooded my thoughts. From the day of the fall, the definition of authority in the world had been distorted. We live in a fallen world where nothing is in order. We ruined the grand design.

Reason would argue that we have all the right to go our own way and ignore the crooked authority. Reason made rebellion justifiable. I have the right to resist and disobey. Authorities are just unbearable. No matter what kind, all authorities just go after selfish ambitions. Now that I have made a point on why it’s unreasonable to follow authority, I have every right to stop writing this reaction.

Wrong! To make another point, what just happened there is I have figured it all out wrong. I am focusing on the wrong object there. That was what John Bevere pointed out in his book “Undercover.” We are so used to pointing fingers, thinking if there’s someone or something that needs to change, it’s going to be that, him, her, this, etc… and me (last on the list). We are raised in a world where righteousness is shrunk down into anything justifiable and reasonable. We made dissatisfaction a license to break down our authorities.

Eye on the right object its all about a matter of the heart. Let’s not put away the focus from ourselves as the followers to how the authorities over us have been acting. It’s not about how chaotic our world is but about what should be the right attitude towards things. We are called to faith. Rebellion and disobedience just does not go with faith. Citing a lot of biblical and personal examples, Bevere proved that obedience, submission and respect is still possible and sound even under a corrupt authority or an unlikely circumstance. There’s Daniel, David, Joseph even our savior and God Jesus. They stood for righteousness and faith to God. They trust that there is reward in obedience and believe that there is curse in rebellion. They have faith that it is God’s to resolve if there is injustice under any authority. As David recognizes that God holds the heart of the king and directs it like a water course, we are to let Him do it as He pleases. If we are in any way going against any authority or denying our submission, we are surely going against God’s hand not practicing our faith in Him.

Let me not forget about the question, “What if authority is telling me to do the wrong thing?” Just like any other thing, there is an ending in submission. But as the author believed, it needs a genuine divine guidance. There is a difference between obedience in submission, we can disobey if we are asked to do the wrong thing but still be submissive and respectful under that authority. As a young girl I have been asked countless times to do wrong by an authority and I have also obeyed countless times thinking I got no one to defend me. I was wrong, God is my defense and shield. And if I was punished for standing for what is right, He also promised a reward. If in fact I also stand for what I think is right and do my best to defend myself, I would just hinder God from defending me. Sometimes all I need to do is to be still.

The author and I have dealt with a lot of issues regarding my heart as a follower and my being called to faith – the very opposite of rebellion. Yes there is still a lot of struggles when it comes to submission and obedience but now I know better. Wrong notions, that faith and obedience to authority can be isolated from each other, are no more. Now I recognized that all authorities over me, irregardless of whether they are wicked or good, are all in the hands of God and is therefore connected to Him. “Serving a master as I was serving God” - I ought to apply not only to the good ones.

Rules and authorities are meant by God to secure our relationship with Him. So as its imperfections make us go back to its source. My troubles and struggles on the other hand remind me of my need for the savior. There’s no way I am going to survive outside His protection and cover. The only way to ensure that is to remain submissive to His and His commissioned authority. Now I know what it is meant to be “Under Cover.”

 

God, all through out the scripture, had emphasized the importance of submission and obedience. So let me end with this verse:

Matthew 7:24-27, "Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it."

-Let not any failure frustrates me, I will just move on to the next thing and trust God to work things out according to His will

-Let not any problem or obstacle hinder me from seeing that God is still great and powerful

-Let not my personal affliction and handicaps stop me from serving and doing what I can

-Relearn focusing on God and loving Him the most with all my heart

-Aim for riches and prosperity as what God wills and plans for my life

-Listen and get as much from my daily devotion

-Train my thoughts – let it be filled with prayer and petition in exchange of worries

-Rely on God's grace and mercy and just appreciate it instead of question if I am deserving or not

-Rely not on my own when it comes to developing and building my character but on God's saving hands

-Listen not on my feelings but on God's word

-Learn to save

-Tell the truth even it is more complicated

-Be a good and faithful steward

-Fix my with each member of my family

-Be honest and diligent at work

-Manage my time and sleep well

-Do not base what I do on how I feel but on what is the right thing to do

-Have a positive attitude and the correct perspective

-Endure and always hope

-Persevere

-Don't just merely survive but conquer and succeed

and the list goes on...

Received so much this year…

Was able to graduate on time and with high grades…

Gained a lot of not just new friends but very dear and close ones…

I was given the privilege to join and even lead a cell group and to take care of few very precious children of God… (I was not even sure at first if I will be able to do this- to guide them in their walk with God. Had a lot of few downs in it but God still trust me for them)

I got the first and only job I applied for…

I got a very cool and kind boss…

I got respectable workmates – easy to get along and work with…

I have met so many remarkable people with inspiring lives… very encouraging to me…

Got a lot of precious and very valuable material gifts…

Was able to give to and bless a lot of people…

Was able to experience love from so many people and experienced so many reconciliations…

I have received a lot of grace and mercy…

I have learned a lot of new and remarkable things about God…

I have seen a lot of improvements in my character and the way I view people…

I have learned to love unselfishly and considerably…

I have witnessed a lot of miracles…

I was able to stay here in this country instead of going and living abroad…

 

And so many other things to thank for to Him and to celebrate this season with…

In John 2:1-11, I never noticed that this wasn't supposed to be his first miracle. On his own words, ", Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come," it was not his time yet. He knew that if he actually did this, the clock will start ticking to his inevitable death. But unsurprisingly, he still did what Mary asked of him though he knew that the hour glass would turn upside down and there's no turning back this time anymore. Grabe tlga si God. To save the newly weds from shame and just to put Mary (who may have been a relative of the newly weds and one of the 'in-charge's') at ease, he did it. Kung tutuusin di nman life and death situation but he still did it. Ganun ka compassionate si God towards us.
 
I love how this story was told here:
 "In effort to spare the family from embarrassment and social disgrace, Jesus' mother comes to him for help… 'They have no more one', her implication, 'Do something!' Since Jesus' miraculous birth, Mary has pondered in her heart the future glory of her son. She had seen the visions or the angels, witnessed the remarkable development. Now she implores her son, she expects him to rise the occasion, the need of a poor, something out of his glory to fill that need. But there is a moment of hesitation after the impasse and plea. During that brief moment Mary looks to her son's face and sees, the decidedly different man than the one who was with her and cared for her for the last 30 years. His face buries the chiseled sculpting from 40 days in the wilderness. He is leaner now, more serious and more intense. Jesus hesitates because he knows that if he meets this need by a supernatural means, life will never be the same. Never again could he turn back the clock. No, after one wedding, the small town seclusion of his life would be forever behind him. For the next 3 and a half years, his only time to himself will be stolen moments in an olive grove before dawn or snatches of quiet on a barren knoll after dark. Fellowship with his father would then come only at the expense of sleep. So great were the needs of the people, who would press about him during the day and in so many cities and so many hillsides and so many seashores, everywhere he would go Jesus would become the embroiled gossip of women and the amble of debate among men… Understandably, he weighs the alternatives and Jesus request at bay, "Dear woman, why you involved me, my time has not yet come.' In the hidden arena where his mind wrestles with the request Jesus feels the grip of yet another consideration – it is too soon to reveal his glory. All the disciples have not yet been chosen, many of their plans for ministry were still pencil sketches in his mind awaiting color and dimension from the hand of the father. Jesus would hesitate again at a future request, "Father if you're willing, take this cup from me." The fateful cup would be difficult to take. The brimming wrath would be hard to swallow. But with a trembling hand Jesus would take the cup, "Not my will but yours be done." And so he would also submit to his father's request at Gethsemane , He would submit now to his mother's request at Cana . The stop turned quickly from the future to the need of the moment, to the people so poor and heavily burdened, to the shack of life of drudgery so wanted little festive pleasure, to the parents of the bride and the groom's … so indebted to provide this wedding. At last his thoughts turned to the bride and groom, the embarrassment be no way to start a honey moon, let alone a new home in the community, the young couple needed help and his heart went out to them. Without a word from his lips, without a touch from his hand, Jesus simply wills the water to become wine. And in the sacred presence of that thought, the water prostrates itself and obeys. So characteristics of the savior that he would first reveal his glory here, in this way for this purpose. It was not revealed at the imperial palace in Rome or in Herod's temple in Jerusalem … but here in the impoverish village of Cana nestled in obscure corner of Galilee . And the way he revealed his glory, in a quiet miracle, no fanfare no footlights, no theatrics just the mighty hand of God working silently behind the scenes in an hour of need. And the purpose of the miracle, performed not to quench his own thirst but to satisfy the needs of others, to ease a dear woman's anxiety and to save a couple, starry-eyed newly weds from embarrassment and to provide a little pleasure for a work-worn community. The unveiled glory enlarged the disciples' faith and did one other thing but that decision to reveal his glory Jesus crossed the rubicund, the river of no return. The die was cast, the clock was wound, it would begin ticking down the final hour of his destiny and set in motion the gears that would ultimately enmesh him and cost him his life. For the wine he provided at Cana would hasten the cup that he would one day drink at the cross.'  - Commentary by Ken Geier (I transcribed it from Ptr Bob Coy's Sermon...)

You are fair, honest, and logical. You are a natural leader, and people respect you.
You never give up, and you will succeed... even if it takes you a hundred tries.
You are rational enough to see every part of a problem. You are great at giving other people advice.

You are well rounded, with a complete perspective on life.
You are solid and dependable. You are loyal, and people can count on you.
At times, you can be a bit too serious. You tend to put too much pressure on yourself.

You are full of energy. You are spirited and boisterous.
You are bold and daring. You are willing to do some pretty outrageous things.
Your high energy sometimes gets you in trouble. You can have a pretty bad temper at times.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong.
You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know.
You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do.

You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection.
You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive.
You have the classic "Type A" personality.

 

from blogthings.com

I admire a child for its bottomless stash…
I am witnessing first hand what the bible tells about a child’s faith. The hard part of it. At first I thought that a child’s faith is only about believing on to everything one say even if it later became impossible in the real world. Like for example when you tell a child that you’ll visit the park with it tomorrow. Even if it’s storming the next day, it’ll still believe you’ll go to the park until the day is finally over and its dark enough to finally sleep your word away. Even if its world were shaking, not a doubt to your word would come to it. But as I am witnessing it, a child’s faith is also about sticking to one even if that one hurt it or allowed it to be hurt. I hurt my eldest nephew so many times but every time I go to their home, he sticks to me. He even covered me up from his mother when his mother asked him where the marks on his butt were from. He didn’t say a word. A four year old silenced for he feared that my sister, his mother might tell me to go away for spanking him. Today I have witnessed it again that same, stick-even-if-that-one-hurts-you-many-times, when that same nephew was spanked by his dad for a deed he never did. I don’t know if his dad even said sorry for accusing him of something without even having hard evidence against the child, obviously he didn’t see the crime but fisted the kid on the face just because it cannot answer his question of, “What did you do to it?” But it turns out that nobody really did anything to it (and it was discovered through my interruption- what a relief!). After a few minutes, that kid was talking to his dad like nothing happened. Its as if he wasn’t burying his face on his bed because it hurts too much a few minutes before I interrupted.

Then I pondered on to what I was doing these past few weeks while I experience hardships (and some consequences to many bad choices that I made). I tend to withdraw from God. I tend to wander inside my own world where I can forget the pain. But it was wrong. It’s not impossible to still stick on to Him even if he allows too hard circumstances for you to experience. I didn’t question Him why these hardships, for maybe I still trust that He has sound reasons but I don’t ask Him either what lessons to learn- I just shut myself from everything.

When I do that, I feel awful. I can’t live without Him. Even if my own world does not hurt the way His world hurts. It’s more painful and unbearable away from His presence. I’d rather that my stash be filled with pain, hardships and trials while I let Him help me carry the stash. For when I carry it with Him, its like a child’s stash, it can be bottomless, it won’t be full and exhausted.

O well, I guess every one of us needs to be reminded of our responsibility. Coz we often thought that we still own our bodies. The moment we gave our life to Jesus, it meant we already surrendered our whole to God as it should be. We were never our own. We are just rendered this life and this body and contrary to what we believe, we have no right to ruin it.

And as we are not the King of this castle called our body (the very temple of God), we should remember our very role as gatekeepers. Just like in every castle, our job as gatekeepers is very important. For it is through the gate that a kingdom is easily entered and conquered. The very gate is none other than the gate in our hearts and minds. As guards, we are the one appointed by God to examine what or whoever we allow in it.  Whenever there’s a threat of a take over from the enemy, it us who are assumed to have failed because we are the one who allowed a destroyer to come inside our hearts. In our heart we entertain and then let in, hatred, bitterness, self-pity, pessimism and many other baits of the enemy that will destroy us from within.

But we often forget to see ourselves as this. We always complain to the King whenever we are threaten to fall in the hands of the enemy when the truth is, it is us who causes all the trouble inside. Because the choice was never the King’s to let in the baits and the traps of the enemy right through the gate, it’s ours. The King has built around a strong fortress around the castle but we lose its value the moment we open the gates wide. In what we see, hear and feel, we let them in. What’s sad about it is sometimes we are well aware that they are baits, but we belittle them thinking they can be easily conquered that’s why we let them in (just for a little fun). But it always turns out too late as these little ones become the very monsters that are hunting us, and can be bigger and stronger than us. Their population can even become the majority inside the kingdom.

And every time the King was able to vanquish them, here we are letting in some of them again, this time more of them because we learn to live by and with them. We sometimes learn to love them as dear neighbors inside our kingdom.

We grieve the King.

Let us please never wait until it was too late anymore, until the King and we ourselves are vanquished in our own kingdom. Or until we are enslaved by them. Let’s be reminded and take seriously our jobs as gatekeepers of our own body.

at first excited but as I get to know kung ano talaga yung trabaho ko, i dont know if i could last long... cguro kc ever persevering naman ako eh... ok nmn yung trabaho, malaki yung sweldo pero msyadong monotonous yung job eh... haay... no tym for social life pa!

Second Samuel is a book about dreams that come true but a proof that fulfilled dreams does not guarantee a blissful and a worry free life.

For even when we are already way ahead of ourselves, when we already made every right decision to get us where we are right now, living our dreams, we can always make another mistake. And this mistake can make living in our dreams equally chaotic and problematic to blissful.

I was believing the wrong notion that when everything is over, my striving and persevering to reach my dreams had finally paid off, when I am already settled and living the life that I always wanted, I will be forever happy and worry free.

But I guess there’s no such thing as when-all-of-this-is-over-I-will-be-happy. As long as we are breathing earthly air, those things that we thought can satisfy us, even the very living on our every dream, will never make this life worry free.

 Living on my dreams will never give me the peace, security and constant happiness that I always wanted.

But this is not a reason to lose hope, only to divert our hopes. For there is this one thing that we can always hope for and trust to give us the peace, security and constant happiness that we need- God’s love for us!

 

HAPPINESS IS NOT A STATE OF BECOMING, IT IS A STATE OF BEING.

(says the book, ‘Being Happy’ by Andrew Matthews)

We can be happy today, no matter what! After all,

‘The only thing I need, I already have, the fullness of Your mercy in my hand, the only one who loves me as I am’ (from the song, ‘The only thing I need’ by 4 Him)